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As Turkey Day (Thanksgiving) approaches, followed by Black Friday (or as I like to say living in this extended recessionary era “even Blacker Friday), airports across the country will be absolutely packed to the rafters with Americans traveling home to enjoy the long weekend. To which flying cynics will respond, what’s new? Fortunately the airlines are staffing up and it will be “all hands on deck” as the Wall Street Journal reported last week.
And, not to be outdone, the TSA also announced that it will be “all hands on deck”. Yes, and all hands on your tits, ass and any other body part (“my junk” as one irate passenger has already called it) we feel like patting down; all in the name of increased security, of course. Never mind screening passengers the TSA has, in the past, been quite lax in screening its own employees. With the advent of the full-body X-rays one wonders how long it will be before the TSA is staffed with legions of pedophiles, perverts and other monsters that will make security checks the equivalent of swimming with sharks or running with the bulls in Pamplona. Also in the news today, an announcement by the TSA that pilots and other airline crew would be exempt from the strip and search requirement, also known as Government Authorized Groping. Sales of pilot uniforms and fake ID badges will no doubt increase. Flyer resistance to this new procedure will now be known as the GAG reflex.
But I’m thinking that the TSA is missing a trick here. Given that we already partially disrobe, and separate all metal objects, perhaps the current procedures could be beefed up even more. After all it’s only a short step from full body X-rays, and invasive pat-downs to walk through bedbug detectors, especially for visitors leaving New York’s major airports. It may take a few seconds longer but I am sure that it would be a big help. Oh and did I mention the fumigation process yet? After the pat down, to make sure you’re nothing’s been “secreted about one’s person” departing passengers would then step through the security gate, through the footbath, and into the showers. Whoa, we’ve been here before haven’t we?
So that’s why they’re called the Security NAZIS!