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It was recently reported that New York Bravest (Fire Department) may institute a scale of charges for turning out to car fires or any other accident involving injuries. Apparently the Department plans to charge $490 to respond to a vehicle fire or any other incident with injuries; vehicle fires without injuries will run to $415; and $365 to turn-out to a scene with no fire or injuries. This is a harsh way of dealing with budget woes; especially as we have paid already through our taxes. Which obviously only provide an incentive for fire crews to turn up to the station. Actual fire-fighting is extra; nice to know. Clearly the rules are-a-changing and upon further investigation, the following details emerged.
• Small fire – you shout “Fire” and we’ll shout “Water” and tell you what to do.
• Apartment fire – we’ll send two firemen, provided they’ve finished their dinner, and you provide the buckets and water.
• House fire - engine and ladder rentals available, with a volume discount for using a lot of water
• Ringing bells and air-horns are extra
It should also be noted that very little will be allowed to get in the way of the fireman’s most important duties which include:
• Waving their big hoses at the ladies, and polishing their helmets in full view of passers-by,
• Committing random acts of hazardous parking,
• Brushing up their gourmet cooking skills, and fine-tuning their five alarm chili, and
• Washing their red shiny trucks for faster pizza delivery runs.
Talking of fire engines, a Redneck came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"
"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"