Customer service – reality vs. perception

Interesting article by James Surowiecki in The New Yorker magazine this week entitled “Are you being served?” Discussing business attitudes to customers, the article basically says that businesses need customers to survive. Of course they do but, post-sale, businesses can be remarkably cavalier about retention efforts. After all, it seems that the majority of advertising (at least what we see on the idiot box) is aimed at potential customers.

Judging by the tenor of some of these ads, we consumers must be some of the stupidest people out there. I mean, would you really buy car insurance from a talking Gecko (GEICO), or a quacking duck (AFLAK)? Actually the Gecko is one of our favorites, as are most animal-based ads, as you can be playful, creative and make people smile.

And what about those stupid ads for Swiffer, what’s that, a sort of hybrid of sniff and whiff? Have you ever tried to use them? Of course the ad shows a lady cutting a beautiful swath through an unbelievably even layer of dust (and why, oh why, did you let it get so dirty in the first place lady?). But guess what happens when you lift the Swiffer head off the ground. That’s right, half the dust just stays there, resolutely sticking to the surface, and just begging you to get a damp cloth and finish the job. Which you shouldn’t have to do! Ah well, the days of scrubbing a kitchen floor on your hands and knees are long gone, thank goodness. But I can tell you this, I am damn sure it was a lot cleaner afterwards.

Anyway, after bemoaning the business attitude to call-centers that are often responsible for “monitoring” customer relationships and issues, the following was revealed.

Apparently the measures used by companies to gauge consumer satisfaction bear absolutely no relation to the actual measure of service reported by consumers. By.A.Factor.Of.Ten. That’s right, a factor of ten! And I quote: “In a recent survey of more than three hundred big companies……eighty percent described themselves as delivering “superior” service, but consumers put that figure at just eight percent.”

This is incredible and unbelievable isn’t it? Just goes to show, there’s lies, damn lies and statistics. How can they get it so wrong? But why are we surprised, we shouldn’t be really. After all, who hasn’t been on the automated customer service telephone merry-go-round when we are told “all our service agents are busy right now” or “please stay on the line, someone will be with you shortly” or worse “your business is important to us”. Ho, ho, ho. So why am I still holding on and listening to the awful elevator music. Got it, my business is so important to you that you can’t be bothered to staff up enough operators to take customer calls.

This would appear to be a poke in the eye for all CRM units in companies, especially the banks. Customer Relationship Management it is called. The only key word there is “Customer”. As the renowned management consultant guru, Peter Drucker, once said: “there is only one valid purpose for any business: to create and satisfy a customer” Nuff said.

You must have experienced calls from an Indian call center. It goes like this (think of a strong Indian accent): “Hi, I’m Jamie from Direct Marketing Associates, how are you doing today. It’s a beautiful day isn’t it? Say did you see those Jets last night?” I don’t think so! More like this is Jamie from Jaipur.

Anyway, after all this ranting, here’s a call-center joke.

Tech Agent: Now sir can you open Windows for me
Customer: I’m afraid I can’t
Tech Agent: And why not sir?
Customer: I haven’t got Windows built in
Tech agent: You have Vista sir, so you must have Windows
Customer: I don’t have Windows or any kind of Vista. I’m in a converted garage and I never built Windows into it.

Silence, then

Customer: If I open the door, will that help

 

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“Eggstra, eggstra”

Commenting on the egg recall which began when Wright County Egg of Galt, Iowa, recalled 380 million eggs (some rounding here, not an “eggsact” figure) that were shipped to food wholesalers etc., a food safety expert told AOL News that the recall "is not a fluke," blaming the outbreak on the proliferation of so-called factory farms.

What a phrase, a little off-putting perhaps, but in reality a good description of what it takes to put eggs on the table. Hens are basically egg-laying machines, living in factory-like conditions.

We’re going to take a walk on the wild side here, open our eyes a little to industry practices, so if you’re chicken you may want to look away.

www.motherearthnews.com has a good article on Decoding Egg Cartons and, trust me, the phrases Certified Humane and Certified Organic do not have the meaning you and I would expect. In fact Cage Free, Free-Range and Free-Roaming are similarly stealth descriptions, belying the bucolic image of soft-rolling hillsides, tidy farm-yards and little Johnny feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs for breakfast. In your dreams peoples!

So let me “eggsplain” Lucy

Free-range: The USDA does not specify the quality or size of the outside range nor the duration of time an animal must have access to the outside or the amount of space available to them, and there is no mandate that the chickens are fed organically or are hormone and antibiotic-free.

For a chicken - and their eggs - to be labeled "free-range" or "free-roaming" the USDA regulations state, "Producers must demonstrate to the Agency that the poultry has been allowed access to the outside." According to the Egg Safety Board, outside the United States, free-range "denotes a method of farming husbandry where the animals are allowed to roam freely instead of being contained in any manner." But free range can sometimes mean only the ability to roam in a limited area, and not even have access to grass, and a proper yard-type area. Note my emphasized words. While some egg producers are truly free-range, and the chickens remain outdoors for a good deal of the time, there is nothing preventing a factory farm from labeling eggs as free range, merely because the structure in which the chickens live has a door to an outside yard.

As author Michael Pollan notes in 'The Omnivore's Dilemma' – his 2006 treatise on the origins of several modern foods – "Since the food and water remain inside the shed, and since the little doors remain shut until the birds are at least five weeks old and well settled into their habits, the chickens apparently see no reason to venture into what must seem for them an unfamiliar and terrifying world." There's a very good chance that a free-range chicken, raised for either eggs or meat, has never seen the light of day. Whoa, not exactly the impression they try to convey now is it?

Cage-free: There isn't a legal designation for eggs as cage-free. In cage-free facilities, battery cages are not used, and typically a hen will have enough room to walk around and extend her wings, but the facilities may still be crowded, and birds may still be "debeaked." This entails the trimming of a portion of a bird's beak in order to combat cannibalism and feather pecking that may occur among birds kept in close quarters. Ugh.

In 2008 California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a bill requiring that, starting in 2015, whole in-shell eggs sold in California must come from hens that are able to stand up, lie down, turn around, and fully extend their limbs without touching one another or the sides of an enclosure. All presumably whilst clucking along to a Richard Simmons “eggsercise” video! The Wall Street Journal reported recently that one enterprising California producer responded by upgrading one of its buildings with more spacious, furnished cages (day-bed and coffee machine, perhaps?) known as, and I kid you not; “enriched colony systems”. I think it’s safe to assume that when jargon like this enters the egg-producing lexicon, more than wool is being pulled over our eyes. Chicken-sh*t anyone?

Certified Organic

For eggs to be labeled "organic," they must come from farms that meet the USDA's National Organic Standards and are routinely inspected to ensure compliance. Hens must be fed organic feed - no animal byproducts or genetically modified or "GMO" crops - produced on land that has been free from the use of toxic and persistent chemical pesticides and fertilizers for a minimum of three years. The hens themselves must be maintained without hormones and other intrusive drugs and antibiotics may only be used in cases in cases of outbreak or disease. They're also kept in a cage-free environment and allowed access to the outdoors. All depends on what is access, one door flap, to a concrete stand?

Certified Humane

According to the Humane Society of the United States, the definition of Certified Humane means “the birds are un-caged inside barns or warehouses but may be kept indoors at all times. They must be able to perform natural behaviors such as nesting, perching, and dust bathing. There are requirements for stocking density and number of perches and nesting boxes. Forced molting through starvation is prohibited, but beak cutting is allowed.” Hhhmm.

Interesting the same society also notes that the phrase “natural” has no relevance to animal welfare. We can draw our own conclusions why not.

Country Hen is one of the producers that appear to take egg-production seriously, but the eggs are expensive, partly because of the number of employees necessary to take care of un-caged hens. The company keeps 67,000 hens in sun-lit barns and feeds them organic ingredients grown and milled on the farm. The coops have windows, and the hens go out on porches in good weather. Apparently cages are no longer used; natural lighting and ventilation are used to the maximum. And, listen to this “Our friend the hen can take sun baths, dust herself, visit her neighbor, lay eggs in the nest, and carry on as a good hen should. In good weather she can exit to the outdoors on our porches.”

Well, after a good lay, there’s nothing like a beer and cigarette on the porch.

Other practices

If you didn’t know, young male chicks are often slaughtered. Egg production produces “excess” male chicks with no commercial value as male birds don’t lay eggs. So what, you say. True, it happened in the Bible more than a few times, in fact there was lots of killing in The Bible, something we tend to forget, especially in the early days. Lots of smiting, murdering, slaying massacring, stoning, and this one occurs quite a few times “utterly destroying”, as in “with the Lord’s help Joshua utterly destroys the Hebronites, the Eglonites and the Bakelites (not really, I made that last one up!)” Bit of a rum chap that Joshua.

Conclusion

Basically, apart from some compassionate farmers, it appears that the regulations leak like a sieve and the egg-producers make money from a gullible public.

As they say in Rome, caveat emptor.

New York proposed Midtown skyscraper approved – 15 Penn Plaza

Yesterday the New York City Council overwhelmingly approved (in a 47 to 1 vote) the development of a new skyscraper, 15 Penn Plaza, to be built at 33rd Street and 7th Avenue opposite the much-unloved Penn Station and on the site of the current Hotel Pennsylvania. History buffs will know that the Hotel Pennsylvania uses the New York phone number in longest continuous use. The number, PEnnsylvania 6-5000, was the inspiration for the Finegan, Gray, and Sigman song of the same name made popular as performed by Glenn Miller and his orchestra.

The new skyscraper will rise to just a few feet short of the 102 storey Empire State Building (ESB). Artist renderings of the tower portray a bulky, bland-looking behemoth, sadly lacking in any interesting architectural detail. Only two blocks away from the ESB, construction of the building will severely detract from the picture-postcard views of midtown Manhattan and the iconic Empire State Building on 34th Street and Fifth Avenue.

Malkin Holdings, part-owner of the ESB, mounted a vigorous campaign against the proposed development, seeking for a ½ mile safe zone around the ESB, and also sought to cap the height of the proposed 15 Penn Plaza to around 800 feet.

If the development goes ahead as planned, then this would be a mistake. I am not against the development, but surely there comes a time when there has to be an appreciation of scale and surroundings. This does not appear to satisfy either. A possible silver lining is that when built the tower may not actually resemble the current proposals. We can only hope.

Empire State Building – Redux

And what chance of the ESB being torn down, in the event that 16 Penn Plaza is built. Now that would be a real humdinger of an opportunity to put New York back on the map. And it would finally give New Yorkers a chance to shine again in skyscraper heaven. What chance a new Burj Khalifa (originally named the Burj Dubai) the world’ tallest freestanding structure, recently opened in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

Image via Wikipedia

According to Wikipedia the list of records and superlatives for this structure include: tallest skyscraper to top of spire: 828 m (2,717 ft); tallest structure ever built: 828 m (2,717 ft); tallest freestanding structure: 828 m (2,717 ft); building with most floors: 160; building with highest occupied floor in the world: world's fastest elevators at a speed of 64 km/h (40 mph); the first world's tallest structure in history to include residential space; highest outdoor observation deck in the world (124th floor) at 452 m (1,483 ft); world's highest mosque located on the 158th floor (no comment!); and the world's highest swimming pool (76th floor).

It would be called the New York Needle!

You read it here first.

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Eggs – an “eggsposition”

Well, the massive egg recall has now reached over half a billion. A sum that’s almost impossible to get your head around. What will happen to these eggs, a “salmon ella omelet” anyone? Congress is now getting in on the act, presumably to crack a few heads together, sort out the bad eggs.

The FDA and Egg Safety Council have issued some safeguards to help protect us from salmonella, one of which reads, and I quote “Resist mopping up runny egg yolks with toast. They might not be fully cooked.” Really; isn’t that the whole point of the yolk?

I love eggs; they’re such an incredible food source, a protein that can be served quickly, in many, many ways. And they are vitamin friendly, especially the organic ones.

The American fashion of serving two eggs for breakfast or at any meal, however cooked, is quite a revelation for Brits. A friend of mine staying at the Waldorf-Astoria in New York used to specify one egg for breakfast. Of course, every day, he got two. This is a source of amusement to my wife, who remembers reading an English magazine in which there was a recipe for Egg Benedict. That’s right, eggs singular. As she likes to say, “Get a grip, the war is over.” Once in Europe she insisted on two eggs and had to pay for the second one. Imagine!

Buying eggs today is becoming a chore isn’t it, we’re swamped with so many alternatives. It’s worse than cereals and ketchup, the “too much choice dilemma” as I like to call it. You can double your “eggspenditure” depending what type you decide to buy. And do you really buy into all that organic, Omega-3 enriched, certified humane, hormone-free-range and cage free tosh? I can’t believe how much of this stuff is actually advertized on egg cartons.

For example, I saw a six-pack and it actually described the eggs as being produced by barn-free, sun-lit porch, free- range, vitamin added hens. Way to go, but they were so expensive, yes double, that they only sold them in six-packs to avoid any sticker shock. Is it really worth the extra? I somehow doubt it. Better off buying the cheapest and a bottle of vitamins.

And do you know the difference between brown and white eggs? One is brown, the other is white. Simples!

According to the Egg Nutrition Board "White shelled eggs are produced by hens with white feathers and ear lobes. Brown shelled eggs are produced by hens with red feathers and red ear lobes. There is no difference in taste or nutrition between white and brown eggs. They simply come from two different breeds of chickens. Brown eggs, however, are more expensive because the chickens that lay them eat more than those that lay white eggs. Among the breeds that lay brown eggs are the Rhode Island Red, the New Hampshire and the Plymouth Rock, all larger birds that require more food.”

So now we know.

In July this year it was reported by scientists that the chicken came before the egg. The white coat researchers found that the formation of egg shell requires a protein only found in chicken ovaries, so a chicken egg can only exist if it has been inside a chicken. Dr. Colin Freeman from Sheffield University’s Department of Engineering Materials commented that it was long thought the egg came first, but now there is proof the reverse is true. The next question to be solved, as we step backwards in our avian journey is how did the chicken get to where she is now, what did the chicken descend from. The possibilities include a genetic mutation in a chicken-like animal that produced the first chicken egg, which then allowed the next chicken to be born and off we go.

Of course there is another alternative, as any schoolboy can tell you; she crossed the road.

This does of course remind me of the old joke. A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The egg mutters, to no-one in particular, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

And there's more.

Tests conducted in 2007 by Mother Earth News magazine (“the Original Guide to Living Wisely”) that pastured free-ranging chickens lay eggs that provide nutritional benefits over eggs from confinement operations. Mother Earth News tested samples from pastured flocks across the country, and compared the results to US Department of Agriculture data for commercial eggs. Results showed the pastured eggs contained: 1/3 less cholesterol than regular factory –farmed eggs; 1/4 less saturated fat; 2/3 more vitamin A; 2 times more omega-3 fatty acids, and 7 times more beta carotene. High carotenoid levels are usually found in darker orange colored eggs. A more natural diet, insects and grass seeds, also contributes to a darker colored yolk. But the yolk color can be manipulated, for example, by using marigold petals in the feed.

Eggs are one of the few food sources of naturally occurring vitamin D, and recent tests showed that pastured eggs have up to 6 times as much vitamin D as typical supermarket eggs.

“Eggsciting” news, eh?

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Richard III - King of England remembered today

In the New York Times "In Memoriam" section of the obituaries today, was a remembrance as follows; "Plantagenet, Richard, Remember before God, Richard III, King of England, and those who fell at Bosworth Field, having kept faith, August 22, 1485. Loyaulte me lie." That three word phrase being King Richard's personal motto, meaning "Loyalty binds me"

What a pleasant surprise that someone saw fit to pay for such an entry.

Of course I had to check this out. A website http://www.r3.org/ was referenced. Turns out that this is the website of the American Chapter of the Richard III Society. Established for over eighty years, the Richard III Society exists to promote a re-assessment of King Richard’s character. The American Branch is devoted to the study of; King Richard III last of the medieval English kings; the Wars of the Roses, a dynastic struggle in the late middle ages that pitted Yorkist against Lancastrian; fifteenth-century England and its culture; and the reputation of Richard III in history, literature, and drama, especially Shakespeare.

I also came across an interesting tid-bit whilst researching those turbulent times. Apparently the basic game was Camp-ball which involved kicking or throwing of a ball (pig's bladder filled with dried peas.) Kicking camp-ball was the ancestor of modern English football, and the term 'football' first appeared in the fifteenth century. Who knew ?

Ahem America, football, kicking a ball. Your sport is American Football to distinguish it from the real football, as played in England !

MTA subway riders and panhandlers

As a visitor to New York you must have seen the panhandlers and various nut jobs that are sprinkled in each carriage, just to keep you on your toes. This is New York, this is edgy! Some of them really take the biscuit don’t they? There’s the “I’m homeless and need money for food,” usually believable since they look shabby and some people just look like they are homeless. Then there’s the” I’m raising money to buy t-shirts for my basketball club,” usually by selling M&M’s from a tattered cardboard box. Well, excuse me but where did the box come from I wonder, probably boosted from somewhere so that’s a definite no-no. Just look away, don’t make eye contact, and no one will get hurt!

Some are more believable, those with a lanyard of credentials around the neck, a more authoritative voice, raising money for food for homeless people. OK I’ll buy that, here’s a dollar. I’m unemployed but I won’t miss a dollar.

Then there are the nervous nellies. There was one on the subway today, nicely dressed but quite afraid, looking at the same spot, refusing to make eye contact in case her fear showed. Must be a recent implant, she’s heard all about the subway from her parents, corn farmers in flyover country. Poor thing, will she make it?

I almost forgot the cyclists. Ah yes, Mr. Bike Rider. It’s difficult to look nonchalant when your bike takes up at least three places, with your pedals banging into my ankles all catty-corner across the open door area. Well Mr. Bike Rider, if that’s your bike why don’t you take it off this crowded subway car and ride it! What do you think it’s for? Whaddya mean it’s raining, leave the bike at home. Simples. End of.

And let’s not forget the urban recycler. My, my, what a breed these people are. Collecting plastic containers to trade for the bottle deposit. At least that’s what the above-ground guys do. One time on the subway, I kid you not; a man was pushing some sort of industrial kitchen equipment on wheels which had to have been six to seven feet long. Quite deftly he maneuvered it into the car, fortunately half empty, as we all looked on in amazement, what was it and where was it going? This was no small feat, let me tell you. And you know what, he was so polite, excuse me sir, if you could just move…..it was like watching someone trying to parallel park a Sherman tank in a space for the MINI.

What’s more incredible is how he got it off the streets, down the stairs, and around the corners (MTA subway entrances are not known for their airy spaciousness!) How did he get it through the turnstile, and if he pushed open the buzzer gate, what was the station agent thinking? Did he pay the fare I wonder? Inquiring minds need to know.

New York subway saw players

Have you seen the saw players on the New York subway platforms?

Under the Sachs-Hornbostel musical classification system, the musical saw is identified as an Idiophone (no, not an idiotphone although…), another example of which is the xylophone. So-called as they produce sound by vibrating themselves. Now ladies, don’t get excited!

According to the Museum of Making Music, “a musical saw or a “singing” saw, as it is commonly called, refers to a hand saw that is used as a musical instrument. This “goofy” instrument is appreciated for its winsome, ethereal sound, its high quavery moan, and its pulsating arcane voice that seems to penetrate deep down into one’s psyche.” I guess this is what could be called cutting-edge music?

In 2009 the NYC Musical Saw Festival, an annual event established by founder/director Natalia ‘Saw Lady’ Paruz, set a new Guinness World Record of the ‘Largest Musical Saw Ensemble’, with 53 musical saw players playing together. My goodness, imagine the noise! It would make dragging finger-nails down the blackboard sound positively harmonious.

Quite. Now pass the ear-plugs.

You have probably noticed that some of the players (or should that be sawyers?) are Japanese. Given that the saw, quivering in their hands, looks a mite dangerous to me just waiting for the opportunity to spring back and with a neat flourish take the artists head off. That would certainly give new meaning to those words “sawn-off Shogun.”

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New York Subway entertainment scene - or the MTA blues !

Now don’t get me started on the MTA entertainment scene, brought to you free of charge, well at least nominally anyway. What sort of mentality thinks it reasonable to share their medley of Mexican mariachi songs at 8.30 in the morning? I mean come on, do you think we care? Really?


Strategically positioned in the middle of the car to get our attention they start up and, instantly, people assume some sort of zoned-out activity, like averting their eyes, reading more intently, closing their eyes, looking out the window (never mind you’re in a tunnel!). The songs that may have sounded good in that authentic little Mexican cantina you patronized on your honeymoon (after about 6 or so Coronas with that stupid piece of lime in the top), but when heard at 8.30 in the morning only remind you of a bad dream. And, have you noticed, they always wear well-tooled leather boots, perhaps even with a touch of silver. A bit suspicious that, makes you question their motives. Putting supper on the table or new shoes?

Then with a wave and a thank you Manhattan, you were a great audience, number 6 line, third car from the rear, they’re gone. Scurrying into the next car, like a trio of grinning Charles Bronsons, to torture more innocent souls with their mariachi mayhem. What do they think they’re on, some sort of Underground Railroad for worn-out mariachi warblers; well it’s a long way home amigos.

Now according to the Mexconnect web-site, a monthly E-zine devoted to promoting Mexico to the world, I quote: “The only thing more Mexican than tequila is the mariachi and it seems a shame to have one without the other.” Trust me; you’ll need one after the other! And there’s more: “Mariachi goes beyond music; it is the sum of a cultural revolution expressed through a group of musicians, dressed in popular clothing which encompasses the essence of Mexico and its people. It is something cultural, spiritual and traditional that is unique to this country, an experience not to be missed.”

You’ve got that right senorita!

I can’t believe this but there’s still more: “Their songs speak about machismo, love, betrayal, death, politics, revolutionary heroes and even animals (one particularly famous song is "La Cucaracha"). The truth is that no one knows where the name originated, but it is one which is associated with a great deal of prestige (stop laughing now!) not only in Mexico, but around the world. The origins of the mariachi itself, the group, culture, music, etc., are not much easier to trace. The mariachi is the sum of a cultural evolution (or should that be devolution?) that has taken place over the last century or so in Mexico. Most commonly they would find employment at any of the haciendas where they would earn more than the average laborer. “

Well, that’s not saying much now, is it?

And finally to end on: “With the revolution, many of the haciendas were forced to let the mariachis go. They would then wander from town to town singing songs of revolutionary heroes and enemies, carrying news from one place to another.”

I know, I know, we’re in the 21st century, the relevance now escapes me.

Oldest dead Japanese or oldest Japanese dead in a bed?

Interesting story in the news recently about the “living dead” in Japan. It turns out that the so-called Japanese longevity trick presumed to be as much soy, tofu, and green tea that you could slurp up is no better than a Western diet.

Martyn Fackler of the New York Times reported today that in Japan, a country with a history of benevolence to the elderly or oldsters (much more hip don’t you think), details have emerged of centenarians who don’t actually exist. Exist as in walking and talking. Police found the body of a man thought to be one of Japan's oldest, at 111 years, mummified in his bed, dead for more than three decades. His daughter, now 81, hid his death to continue collecting his monthly pension payments, the police said.

Well you do don’t you. I am sure she was just looking after his pension moneys, in case he came back from the dead and what, needed a shave, manicure and a haircut presumably? Oh, hello Daddy-san, can I get you a bowl of udon, I was wondering where you’d been!

Also, a woman thought to be Tokyo's oldest, who would be 113, was last seen in the 1980s. Another woman, who would be the oldest in the world at 125, probably has been missing since at least 1981, the date when her registered address became a park. In addition, authorities have been unable to find more than 281 Japanese who had been listed in official records as 100 or older. Officials have confirmed that a 113-year-old woman is alive in the southern prefecture of Saga. She is thought to be the country's oldest person, at least for now.

Better check her pulse.

Officials in the Adachi ward of Tokyo, where the oldest man corpse was found, said they grew suspicious after trying to pay a visit to the man, Sogen Kato. The man previously thought to be Tokyo's oldest had died, and they wished to congratulate Kato on his new status. They said his daughter gave conflicting excuses, saying first that he didn't want to meet them, then that he was elsewhere in Japan, giving Buddhist sermons. Police moved in after a granddaughter admitted that Kato had not emerged from his bedroom since about 1978.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “bed-ridden.” Bed ridden and good riddance it seems.

It would appear that parsimony played its part. In preparation for “Respect for the Aged Day" on 20 September this year, Japanese residents who have turned, or are about to turn, 100, receive a silver chalice and congratulatory letter from the prime minister. Apparently for this year, the gifts will be handed to the recipients in person, rather than mailed as in the past!

Alzheimers when ?

In the press this week, news that medical researchers may have found a way of predicting the dreaded mind-sapping disease. Requiring a Spinal Tap to detect the presence of three proteins which are known predictors of the disease, researchers say that it is accurate to within five years of first detecting the symptoms. Given that Alzheimers can affect the brain up to ten years before the symptoms are recognized, will we be lining up for spinal taps at 40 years?

It does, of course, raise an interesting question. Until such time as a cure is widely available, and as yet there isn't one, why would you want to know? One can only imagine the doctor-patient conversations that will result. Well Smithers, the test results are back. We’ve got good news and bad news for you. The bad news, you will get Alzheimers; the good news, there’s a gun in that drawer if you need it. We’ve prescribed one crossword three times a day, and two jigsaws before bed. 

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What price legal protection?

The Wall Street Journal today reported that Transocean Ltd., BP’s Deepwater Horizon drilling rig contractor, is largely protected from lawsuits and claims for damages resulting from the April explosion. The report stated that its contract with BP protects it from such losses. Apparently the contract is 400 pages long! Heavens above, I’ve read shorter books than that.

Not for naught did Shakespeare have his character Dick the Butcher say “The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.”

Today’s New York Times is reporting that Transocean had safety issues at three other rigs drilling for offshore oil. So far the contractor has been returning its share of the legal claims invoiced by BP.

We shall see how long they are able to do this.
O’ill be back !

New York Banking Model

What is it with the current banking model in New York?

Retail banks can't decide if they want to be customer-oriented, as in face-to-face contact, lack of security screens, donuts on entry. Even Regis Philbin if advertising is to be believed, along with free pens and open 24/7 coin counters. Or, are they the dinosaur of retailing requiring only an upstairs lobby accessable by expensive to instal escalators. In the early 2000’s it appeared that the banks were physically regressing, occupying less space and literally shrinking their footprint. Quite reasonable really, after all the development of online banking and ubiquitous ATM's who needs old-fashioned banking halls, acres of cool marble, and enough space to play touch football.

Along came the so-called “community banks”, which apparently serve the community, expanding into Manhattan taking over empty storefronts, and the old-line grew scared. So, hey presto once again the Citi's, Chase et al began to re-mark their territories opening their doors to huge caverns of commerce splashing their red and blue logos on corner locations. What gives ?

Only the other day I had the pleasure, dubious at best, of sampling one of these behemoths. Located on a large Upper East Side block, almost contiguous to TD Bank and why not it's supposed to be good for competition, Bank of America  had curiously taken over a space once occupied by a furniture store. Upon entry faced with no obvious bank of tellers, but small offices and plenty of walkabout space a bank officer directed me to the banking hall in the basement floor. Interesting, I thought. The stairs were deep, not so good for little old ladies with walkers, the elevator being out of service you understand. Deep underground sat the tellers, no natural sunlight, all perky with their "Hi how are you today, and how can I help ?" routine. Asked about the traffic volume, "oh yes sir we gets lots of people down here", belying my sole presence at that moment. Not.

So here it is, they employ lots of people, keep tradesmen in business with endless image makeovers, and for that I suppose we should be grateful.